Stress—Controlling It Before It Controls You, Part 2

The Aggressor, the Denier, the Withdrawer – which one are you?

Behavioral Patterns of the Aggressor:

• Alienates people via intimidation and/or blaming
• Speech becomes louder and faster
• Body movements become increasingly erratic
• Communication style demanding and less collaborative
• Sometimes resorts to giving the silent treatment or cold shoulder
• May engage in excessive exercise

Behavioral Patterns of the Denier:

• Looks for things to distract, excite or stimulate as a means of control
• Tends to be suffering from life on overload (superman/superwoman syndrome)
• Excessive drinking
• Excessive sleeping
• Overeating – usually junk foods and processed sugar
• Overspending
• Gambling
• Infidelity

Behavioral Patterns of the Withdrawer:

• Shuts out friends and family
• Avoids social gatherings
• “Tunes out” at work
• Appears disinterested, apathetic
• May watch too much TV
• May overindulge in computer games
• Binge eating

More Positive Coping Strategies for the Aggressor:

• Be prepared for situations where you feel you will be put on the spot
• Pay attention to your body warning signs (rapid pulse, flushing)
• Drink a glass of water to buy yourself a few seconds to calm down
• If necessary, remove yourself from the situation before you act out
• Learn to respond safely and not put others in danger
• Limit alcohol consumption
• Cut down on smoking
• Avoid junk foods – especially refined sugar
• Eat nutritiously focusing on lean proteins, carbohydrates such as fruits, vegetables and whole grains
• Eat moderately and often so you are less likely to binge
• Find a way to physically cut down stress producing hormones – running, power walking, weight lifting
• Seek professional help

More Positive Coping Behaviors for the Denier:

• Learn to identify risky or reckless behavior as a sign and symptom of stress
• Discontinue all reckless behavior at home and at work
• Drink lots of water; stay hydrated by sipping water throughout the day
• Eat moderately and more often
• Consider getting professional help for addictive behaviors
• Eat nutritionally, focusing on lean proteins and good carbohydrates
• Seek out feedback and reactions from family members and co-workers before making important decisions

More Positive Coping Strategies for the Withdrawer:

• Let the people around you know that it’s not personal
• Let your boss know what it is that is stressing you – talk about it
• Identify triggers – pulse changing, shallow breathing, stomach tightening or churning, flushing; panic
• Avoid the news (paper & TV) or change the channel if it distresses you. Assimilate news and events slowly in order to avoid overload
• Sit at the back of the room or near an exit in public places
• Venture out in stages – try going for a short walk
• Try yoga, meditation or deep breathing exercises
• Eat nutritiously, focusing on lean proteins and good carbohydrates
• Exercise moderately – do not overdo it; slow and steady is the key
• Try to keep a regular schedule
• Seek professional help

General Ideas for Coping with Stress (applicable to all of us)

• Aim for 7 – 8 hours of sleep per night (average)
• Give and receive affection regularly
• Have at least one person within driving distance to confide in
• Limit cigarettes and alcohol
• Don’t overspend
• Talk about your feelings with someone you can trust
• Get help if you have domestic, monetary or work related problems
• Do something fun at least once per week
• Limit caffeine
• Allow yourself to spend time alone (even if it’s only ½ hour per day)
• Carry a pack of gum with you. If you feel your stress level is rising, start chewing right away – with your mouth closed
• Think about progressive relaxation as a technique for dealing with stress
• Seek professional help

Realize that we may select coping strategies from more than one of the three listed here, but attempt to identify the model we use most often when dealing with stress. And remember, we are hard wired to experience stress as a means of survival. The ways in which we deal with this stimulus are not hard wired. We can make changes that benefit ourselves and our work relationships in more positive and constructive ways.



The Better Life Experts | October 7, 2008